The Taser's Edge


Viva La Revolucion!
July 11, 2006, 9:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

For those of you who didn't know, rock stars and royalty have long requested vats full of single-colored M&Ms (as in, a swimming pool full of red ones) at their parties to show off how rich they are, while creating tedious labor for the proletariat. (The queen mum, before her passing, preferred an imperialist British blue.)

But now the bourgeois Mars conglomerate has decided to give something back to the little guy, apparently to gain market share in leftist-leaning nations such as Venezuela.  The Taser's Edge was in the stock room at Walgreens, and there saw new M&M product, packaged and pre-separated by color.  This is breaking news, not even yet available on the meticulously and rigorously updated M&Ms Official News Page.

Below is our exclusive pic of Hugo Chavez (left) shaking hands with Paul S. Michaels, CEO of Mars, Inc. (right), who is dressed in full Martian regalia.

As could be expected, however, Mars stock prices have been in sharp decline since Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador (who is pictured in the portrait above), member of Mexico's Democratic Revolution Party, lost his nation's presidential elections to right-leaning fascist Felipe Calderon.  Mars, Inc. stockholders had begun volunteering to help recount the Mexican election before official election results were released, but one-handed shotgun blasts from the balcony of the Mars, Inc. Palace had made no effect on after hours trading as of press time.


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