The Taser's Edge

As Falls Thailand, So Falls the World
September 27, 2006, 12:27 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

As if the news that Thailand's elected government had fallen to a military takeover wasn't enough, Taser's Edge has fallen prey to the spirit of lawlessness rampant in the world today.  For those readers who are somehow unaware of the important global current events that have unfolded earlier today, first launched a propaganda blitz to undermine the legitimate and democratically elected government of Taser's Edge.

Then, at 12:01 am Eastern time, JarrettHarris.Comrades brazenly launched a surprise invasion of the sovereign nation of Taser's Edge, an act which the United Nations has condemned as an act of “pompous, warlike aggression.”  What was supposedly planned as a literally bloodless coup quickly turned into a virtual bloodbath as brave Taserketeers were mercilessly gunned down on the historical, cobblestone streets of their beloved capital.  Sadly, their quick wit, world-famous love for humanity and fried chicken, and their pacifist inclinations proved to be no match for the imperialist onslaught of .Comrade tanks and storm troopers.  Luckily, the royal family of Taser's Edge (elected in internationally monitored free elections, if readers were wondering how a monarchy could be a “democratically elected government”) was able to escape by helicopter to Taiwan.

Above, a photo taken of a brave Taserketeer facing down a .Comrade virtual tank division before being crushed honorably 'neath its treads.  If only we were all so lucky.

This may be the last transmission that the Taser's Edge official news service will be able to release before our virtual editors are virtually hunted down, canine-strip-searched (a very unpleasant process), and then scalped for our convictions…


They're storming the building!  If anyone can hear this broadcast…

(horrific screams)

“It's himmm!!!!!”

“I've had about enough of this.  As your new leader, there shall be some, shall we say, 'changes.'  As the evil puppetmaster behind, I had always craved a vassal state to do my evil bidding.  And now, Taser's Edge is mine and all will cower.  Hoist the new banner, minions!”

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