The Taser's Edge

Julian of Norwich

And thus our good Lord answered all the questions and doubts I could put forward, saying most comfortably as follows: ‘I will make all things well, and I shall make all things well, I may make all things well and I can make all things well; and you shall see for yourself that all things shall be well.’  I take ‘I may’ for the words of the Father, I take ‘I can’ for the words of the Son and I take ‘I will’ for the words of the Holy Ghost; and where he says ‘I shall’, I take it for the unity of the Holy Trinity, three persons in one truth; and where he says, ‘You shall see for yourself’, I understand it as referred to the union with the Holy Trinity of all mankind who shall be saved…

It is God’s wish that we should know in general terms that all shall be well; but it is not God’s wish that we should understand it now…

Although our Lord showed me that I would sin, by me alone I understood everyone.  At this I began to feel a quiet fear, and to this our Lord answered me as follows: ‘I am keeping you very safe.’  This promise was made to me with more love and assurance and spiritual sustenance than I can possibly say, for just as it was previously shown that I would sin, the help was also shown to me: safety and protection for all my fellow Christians.  What could make me love my fellow Christians more than to see in God that he loves all who shall be saved as though they were one soul?

Excerpts are from Julian of Norwich’s Revelations of Divine Love, translated by Elizabeth Spearing, Penguin Classics.  Today is May 8th, the day Christian tradition assigns to the beginning of Julian’s “Showings”.

A Job, A Joy, and Now a Familiar Feeling

Yesterday morning at about 8:30, I got a call from one of the supervisors at Duke University Hospital, offering me a CPE residency for the coming year!  Speechlessly exciting.  Even as I write about it again, it makes me excited for the next year and all the possibilities it holds.

I have to admit that I also have other, more negative, feelings surrounding it.  Guilt, because I felt like I didn’t want it as much as some people who may not have gotten it in the end.  And fear.  Even in my excitement and joy at accepting the offer, something in me was telling me that I should get ready, because I was going to start worrying about it.  I don’t know if  self-warning became a self-fulfilling prophecy or if that’s just truly how my mind works.  Hear God, act in what I believe is faithfulness, and then worry about every decision after it.  I did it with Anglican Missional Pastor, and now I’m doing it again.  Is it a cycle caused by my expectations or by something else?  As you can see, overthinking is part of my make-up.

This morning, though, in my worry, I felt like what I needed was some worship.  And the first song I listened to was “You Are Mine,” track 1 off of Karla Adolphe’s Chair and the Microphone, Vol. 3 (connected to Enter the Worship Circle, if you’re not familiar).  The chorus is just so good:

When you walk though the water, I will be with you
When you pass through the river, the waves will not overtake you
When you walk on the fire, the flames they will not touch you
You are mine, you are mine, you are mine

Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.  Lord, have mercy.  Amen.