The Taser's Edge

A Job, A Joy, and Now a Familiar Feeling

Yesterday morning at about 8:30, I got a call from one of the supervisors at Duke University Hospital, offering me a CPE residency for the coming year!  Speechlessly exciting.  Even as I write about it again, it makes me excited for the next year and all the possibilities it holds.

I have to admit that I also have other, more negative, feelings surrounding it.  Guilt, because I felt like I didn’t want it as much as some people who may not have gotten it in the end.  And fear.  Even in my excitement and joy at accepting the offer, something in me was telling me that I should get ready, because I was going to start worrying about it.  I don’t know if  self-warning became a self-fulfilling prophecy or if that’s just truly how my mind works.  Hear God, act in what I believe is faithfulness, and then worry about every decision after it.  I did it with Anglican Missional Pastor, and now I’m doing it again.  Is it a cycle caused by my expectations or by something else?  As you can see, overthinking is part of my make-up.

This morning, though, in my worry, I felt like what I needed was some worship.  And the first song I listened to was “You Are Mine,” track 1 off of Karla Adolphe’s Chair and the Microphone, Vol. 3 (connected to Enter the Worship Circle, if you’re not familiar).  The chorus is just so good:

When you walk though the water, I will be with you
When you pass through the river, the waves will not overtake you
When you walk on the fire, the flames they will not touch you
You are mine, you are mine, you are mine

Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.  Lord, have mercy.  Amen.