The Taser's Edge

Albums Worth Injury, Volume A

This afternoon after church, I decided to go vinyl shopping.  Instead of Nice Price Books, I headed for the nearby Books Do Furnish a Room.  (The reason?  All used book stores are hurting, but Books Do Furnish a Room seems worse off than any of them.)  There I picked up four Albums Worth Injury, albums so good that I would trade my own physical well-being to be able to listen to them.

1. Combat Rock by The Clash

Tracks you almost certainly know and which you very certainly should like: “Rock the Casbah”, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” (and M.I.A. fans will note the opening of “Straight to Hell” from its being sampled throughout her “Paper Planes”)

Injury worth sustaining: Fall from an 18 ft. ladder onto your left ankle.

2. After the Gold Rush by Neil Young

Songs you will like if you let yourself welcome the Whiny Crooner: Multitudes.

Injury worth sustaining:  Not one but three toenails lost when a door is opened across your bare foot.

3. Band on the Run by Paul McCartney

Reason some rabid Beatles fans I know and love do not know and love this album: Unknown, but it’s definitely not a good reason.

Injury worth sustaining: Falling down four flights of stairs in an old apartment building while wearing ancient and heavy rollerskates, resulting in a broken arm and leg, as well as a neck injury.

4. Blue by Joni Mitchell

Injury worth sustaining: Being trapped in an elevator shaft filled with so many snakes that you suffocate, and then slowly being crushed into a snake-and-you puree by the descending elevator, thereafter being drained into a human shaped ice cube tray, resuscitated by a mad scientist/vivisectionist, forced to do his evil bidding, which requires all your new snake faculties, including smelling in the dark with your snakey tongue, until you are chopped to bits by a garden hoe wielded by a burly Eastern Rite Catholic priest shouting about your hideous unnatural form, brought back to life by the tears of a child who finds your pieces in the garden and truly loves you, but then eaten by a hawk, which is eaten by a carnivorous feral pig, which is eaten by a badger, which is eaten by a hippo, which is hit by a truck, stuffed with you inside it, mounted, and then destroyed in a tragic fire, after which the smoke of your body smells real bad.

Conclusion: You should listen to this album.  You should listen to all of these albums.

N.B.: All injuries worth sustaining are subject to future revision.


Bonus: I also picked up a couple books (as it were a bookstore, after all).

1. No Bars to Manhood by Daniel Berrigan, S.J.–Radical sixties priest’s book written from his prison cell.

2. On the Geneology of Morality by Friedrich Nietzsche–I think you’ve probably heard of it, or at least the author.  The title accurately explains Nietzsche’s project in the work.